Can a situationship turn into a relationship? How to break free and move on

Did you know that 53% of people still sleep with their ex after a breakup? If you’re stuck in a confusing, undefined relationship with your ex—somewhere between ‘just friends’ and ‘something more’—you’re not alone.

But here’s the hard truth: staying in this emotional limbo won’t bring you the clarity or commitment you deserve. It’s time to take control of your future and decide: can this situationship turn into a real relationship, or is it time to break free and move on?

This article will help you navigate the emotional maze of a situationship with your ex. We’ll explore whether it’s possible to turn this ambiguous connection into a real, committed relationship—and if not, how to break free, heal, and move on with your life.

Whether you’re holding onto hope for a second chance or ready to let go, you’ll find the clarity and tools you need to take the next step.

What is a situationship?

A situationship is that gray area between friendship and a committed relationship. It’s when you’re seeing someone—maybe going on dates, spending time together, or even being intimate—but there’s no clear definition of what you are or where things are headed.

A situationship is when you’re seeing someone but aren’t sure what the rules are or what the relationship really means. It’s a relationship without a label, leaving you in a state of emotional limbo.

Situationships often thrive on ambiguity. You might avoid having ‘the talk’ because you’re afraid of ruining what you have, or maybe one person is more invested than the other. Either way, the lack of clarity can leave you feeling insecure, confused, and unsure of where you stand.

Situationship with an ex

Situationships with an ex are especially common—and especially complicated. After a breakup, it’s easy to fall back into familiar patterns. You might still have strong feelings for each other, share a deep emotional connection, or simply miss the comfort of being together.

But without addressing the issues that led to the breakup, you end up in a situationship: a relationship that feels familiar but lacks the commitment and security of a real partnership.

Here’s why situationships with exes happen so often:

• Unresolved feelings: You or your ex might still have lingering emotions, making it hard to fully let go.

• Comfort and familiarity: Being with someone you know well feels safer than starting over with someone new.

• Fear of being alone: The idea of being single can be scary, so you cling to the remnants of your past relationship.

• Physical intimacy: If you’re still sleeping together, it can blur the lines and make it harder to move on.

While a situationship with an ex might feel comforting in the moment, it often prevents both of you from fully healing or finding a healthier relationship.

Signs you are in a situationship

• You’re afraid to discuss the relationship status: If the thought of asking, “What are we?” fills you with dread, you’re probably in a situationship. You might avoid the conversation because you’re scared of the answer—or worse, scared of ruining what you have.

• Your ex is hot and cold or inconsistent: One day, they’re texting you nonstop and making plans. The next, they’re distant and unresponsive. This inconsistency is a hallmark of situationships, leaving you constantly guessing where you stand.

• You don’t make plans for the future: In a healthy relationship, you talk about the future—whether it’s planning a vacation, meeting each other’s families, or just making weekend plans. In a situationship, these conversations are rare or nonexistent.

• You’re unsure if they’re seeing other people: If you’re not exclusive but haven’t discussed seeing other people, it’s a clear sign of a situationship. You might feel uneasy asking because you’re not sure you want to know the answer.

• You feel more confused than happy: Situationships often leave you feeling anxious, insecure, or emotionally drained. If you’re spending more time overanalyzing their texts than enjoying your time together, it’s a red flag.

• You’re stuck in the past: If you’re holding onto hope that your situationship will magically turn back into the relationship you once had, it’s a sign you’re stuck in a cycle of wishful thinking rather than facing reality.

Why situationships are so tricky?

Situationships thrive on ambiguity, but that lack of clarity can take a toll on your emotional well-being. Without defined boundaries or expectations, you’re left guessing how the other person feels—and whether they’re as invested as you are.

This uncertainty can lead to:

• Anxiety: Constantly wondering where you stand.

• Low self-esteem: Feeling like you’re not worth a committed relationship.

• Wasted time: Staying in a situationship that’s going nowhere.

Can a situationship turn into a relationship?

The burning question for anyone in a situationship is: Can this turn into a real relationship? The answer isn’t a simple yes or no—it depends on the people involved and the effort they’re willing to put in.

Most couples who break up end up in some sort of situationship, which means there’s always a chance for reconciliation. However, turning a situationship into a relationship requires more than just hope—it requires action, clarity, and mutual commitment.

For a situationship to evolve into a relationship, certain factors need to align.

Here’s what it takes:

Mutual feelings

Both people need to want the same thing. If one person is fully invested while the other is just going along for the ride, the situationship is unlikely to progress. Ask yourself: Do we both see a future together, or am I the only one holding onto hope?

Clear communication

A lack of communication is what keeps situationships stuck in limbo. To move forward, you need to have honest conversations about your feelings, expectations, and goals.

This means defining the relationship, setting boundaries, and being transparent about what you want.

Willingness to recommit

If your situationship is with an ex, you’ll need to address the issues that led to the breakup in the first place. Are both of you willing to work through those challenges and rebuild trust?

Without this willingness, the same problems are likely to resurface.

Emotional maturity

Turning a situationship into a relationship requires emotional maturity from both sides. This means being vulnerable, taking responsibility for past mistakes, and putting in the effort to create a healthier dynamic.

When to fight for it – and when to let go

So, how do you know whether to try turning your situationship into a relationship or to cut your losses and move on? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Do we both want the same thing?
• Are we willing to communicate openly and honestly?
• Have we addressed the issues that led to the breakup?
• Am I happy in this situationship, or am I staying out of fear of being alone?

If the answers to these questions give you hope, it might be worth having a serious conversation with your ex about taking the next step.

But if you’re the only one putting in the effort—or if the relationship feels more draining than fulfilling—it might be time to let go and focus on your own happiness.

How to break free from a situationship

If you’ve realized that your situationship isn’t going to turn into the relationship you want, it’s time to take control and break free. Staying in a situationship that leaves you feeling confused, insecure, or unhappy will only hold you back from finding the love and clarity you deserve.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you move on and reclaim your power:

Step 1: Pull back

The first step to breaking free from a situationship is creating distance. When you’re always available—whether it’s responding to texts immediately, dropping everything to see them, or prioritizing their needs over your own—you send the message that you’re okay with the status quo.

You can’t make them a priority if they won’t make you one.

• Stop being so available. Take time to respond to messages, and don’t cancel your plans just because they want to see you.

• Focus on your own schedule and priorities. Let them see that your life doesn’t revolve around them.

• Create emotional distance by limiting how much you share about your feelings or personal life.

Pulling back shows your ex that you value yourself and your time. It also forces them to confront the possibility of losing you, which can make them rethink their own behavior.

Step 2: Be clear about what you want

One of the biggest issues in a situationship is the lack of clarity. If you’re tired of the ambiguity, it’s time to communicate your needs—but in a way that’s firm yet non-confrontational.

Show them what you want rather than telling them.

• Instead of demanding a relationship, demonstrate the kind of behavior you expect. For example, if you want more consistency, stop tolerating their hot-and-cold behavior.

• If you’re ready for a direct conversation, keep it calm and clear. Say something like, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I need more clarity about where this is going.”

• Set boundaries. If they’re not willing to meet your needs, be prepared to walk away.

Being clear about your needs removes the ambiguity that keeps situationships stuck in limbo. It also shows your ex that you’re serious about what you want.

Step 3: Date around

One of the best ways to break free from a situationship is to remind yourself that you have options. Dating other people can help you regain confidence, gain perspective, and show your ex that you’re not waiting around for them.

• Get back out there! Try dating apps, ask friends to set you up, or join social activities where you can meet new people.

• Keep it casual at first. The goal isn’t to jump into a new relationship but to remind yourself that there are other people who will value and appreciate you.

• Be honest with yourself: Are you dating to move on, or are you trying to make your ex jealous? Make sure your intentions are healthy.

Dating others helps you see that your ex isn’t the only person who can make you happy. It also sends a clear message to your ex that you’re not willing to wait around for them to commit.

Step 4: Stop sleeping with your ex

Physical intimacy can create a false sense of connection, making it even harder to break free from a situationship. If you’re still sleeping with your ex, it’s time to hit pause.

• Set a clear boundary: “I care about you, but I need to stop being intimate until we figure out what this is.”

• Avoid situations where you might be tempted to fall back into old habits, like late-night hangouts or drinking together.

• Focus on building emotional intimacy instead of physical connection.

Removing physical intimacy forces both of you to confront the emotional reality of your relationship. It also helps you break the cycle of using sex as a way to avoid deeper issues.

Step 5: Focus on yourself

The most important step in breaking free from a situationship is prioritizing your own happiness and well-being.

Make your own life your number one priority.

• Invest in self-care. Spend time on hobbies, exercise, or activities that make you feel good about yourself.

• Set personal goals. Whether it’s advancing in your career, learning a new skill, or traveling, focus on building a life you’re proud of.

• Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who uplift and encourage you.

• Consider therapy or counseling to work through any lingering emotions or patterns that keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships.

When you focus on yourself, you regain your confidence and independence. You also show your ex—and yourself—that you don’t need a situationship to feel fulfilled.

When to walk away

Sometimes, the healthiest and most empowering decision you can make is to walk away from a situationship. While it’s natural to hold onto hope for a better future with your ex, there comes a point when you need to prioritize your own well-being and recognize that the relationship isn’t serving you.

Here’s how to know when it’s time to move on—and how to let go with grace and strength.

• Your ex isn’t willing to commit or define the relationship: If you’ve expressed your desire for a committed relationship and your ex is still avoiding the conversation or giving vague answers, it’s a clear sign they’re not ready to give you what you need. As the saying goes, “If they wanted to, they would.”

• You’re constantly confused or unhappy: A situationship should add joy and connection to your life, not leave you feeling anxious, insecure, or emotionally drained. If you’re spending more time overanalyzing their behavior than enjoying your time together, it’s a sign the relationship is doing more harm than good.

• You’re holding onto hope for a relationship that may never happen: It’s easy to cling to the idea that your ex will eventually come around and commit to you. But if months (or even years) have passed with no progress, it’s time to ask yourself: Am I holding onto hope instead of facing reality?

• They’re seeing other people: If your ex is dating or sleeping with other people while keeping you in a situationship, it’s a clear sign they’re not serious about you. You deserve someone who chooses you—and only you.

• You’ve outgrown the relationship: Sometimes, you realize that the person you’re holding onto isn’t the same person you fell in love with—or that you’ve grown in ways they haven’t. If you’ve outgrown the relationship, it’s okay to let go and move forward.

How to let go

Letting go of a situationship—especially with an ex—can be incredibly difficult, but it’s also one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself.

Here’s how to start the process:

– Cut off contact if necessary

If staying in touch with your ex is keeping you stuck, it might be time to cut off contact—at least temporarily. This means unfollowing them on social media, deleting their number, and avoiding places where you might run into them.

No contact gives you the space to heal and gain clarity without the distraction of their presence.

– Focus on healing

Letting go of a situationship is a grieving process, and it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment.

Consider journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking therapy to process your feelings and gain perspective.

– Build a life without your ex

Reconnect with the things that make you happy outside of the relationship. Spend time on hobbies, pursue personal goals, and surround yourself with supportive friends and family.

Create new routines and traditions that don’t involve your ex. This helps you rebuild your identity and independence.

– Set boundaries for the future

If your ex tries to re-enter your life, be clear about your boundaries. Let them know that you’re no longer willing to settle for a situationship and that you deserve a committed, healthy relationship.

– Remind yourself of your worth

It’s easy to feel like you’ve failed when a relationship doesn’t work out, but the truth is, walking away from a situationship is a sign of strength and self-respect.

Remind yourself that you deserve someone who’s willing to commit to you fully—not keep you in the gray area of a situationship.

Final thoughts

Navigating a situationship—especially with an ex—can be emotionally challenging, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to take control of your love life.

While some situationships can evolve into committed relationships, it requires mutual effort, clear communication, and a willingness to rebuild trust. If your situationship is leaving you confused, unhappy, or stuck in the past, it may be time to break free and prioritize your own well-being.

Whether you choose to fight for the relationship or walk away, remember that you deserve clarity, commitment, and happiness.